Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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