On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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