i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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