He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
