worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
