can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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