Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize