Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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