thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
