Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize