there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
