so explain again why im purple
no
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
