Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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