the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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