Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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