Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
