Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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