Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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