i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
