I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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