You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
