she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
