Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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