i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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