Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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