She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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