I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
