It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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