We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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