I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
