I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
