i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
