Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
