All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
