lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize