Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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