I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
