Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I wish you could order shots online.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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