She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
