her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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