shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize