just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
