You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
