first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
