You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
