remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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