i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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