Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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