he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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