Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
