I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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