"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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