I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
