I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
