Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
