i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
