You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
