we have officially lost it.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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