The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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