She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
