dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you didnt know i had herpes?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
