WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
