awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
