It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Drunk is not a location!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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