I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
