I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize