You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
