there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
