I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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