So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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