Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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