Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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